Dismantled Car, Bear Attack in the Woods

To Whom It May Concern,

Could you send me the blueprint for a 1982 ford escort? I came home from vacation yesterday and my brother had dismantled mine and hid all of the parts in the woods behind my house. I finally found them all but now I have to figure out a way to get them back together. He pretty much took off every single nut and bolt. It was a pain finding them all, especially since he was following me around the whole time throwing chunks of raw fish at me. At first I couldn't understand why he chose raw fish. I could think of countless things that would have been a more effective means of torture and served him better as comedic aide as he recounted the story to his friends. That was before I was chased for several miles by a large bear and pecked many times by several species of birds. Carlos thinks he is quite the comedian.

Putting the vehicle together has proven to be quite difficult. Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Brad Fith

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RE: Web Site - ####### Customer Service

Dear Mr. Fith,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us. on our website, we do offer several different type of repair guides which you can access by creating a ####### account. However, we do not have the actual blueprints for a given vehicle. In this situation, we would advise you to contact the manufacturer of your vehicle for further assistance.

Thank you for your business.

About This Site

Brad Fith started writing these letters in 2001 while working as a janitor for a comedy club in a St. Louis Suburb. Over the course of about 2 years, he'd spend a few hours a day using the club's stationary to write thousands of hard copy letters to countless celebrities, politicians, customer service departments, newsmakers and various other organizations and individuals that he found interesting or easy to anger.

He was of course fired. I wasn't there but I assume the conversation went like this, "You've cost me $10,000 in stationary and you're not even that good at cleaning toilets. Please leave before the police arrive."

Around this time his fiance left him for a his best friend, his comedy act was rejected in all 50 states and Brad discovered email. He more-or-less slowly turned into a full blown loon.

To make a long story short, enjoy this deceptively funny and subversive mayhem. These emails are REAL correspondence to REAL people. These are their genuine reactions to ridiculous questions, concerns, pointless stories and rants. All email addresses were previously published by the owner. Some names have been altered or deleted entirely.