, Shark Hunting in a Seal Suit With a Swiss Army Knife

To ######'s Customer Service:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am hoping you could give me some advice on shark hunting apparel. I've recently taken up hunting the beasts as a hobby but it would seem as if I'm going about this in the wrong fashion as I have already nearly been eaten 6 or 7 times. The chum I've been using seems to be overly effective and with that much blood in the water it's very difficult to see while I'm diving. Also, the net I made from my wife’s bathrobe is apparently not nearly big enough to effectively capture a shark. Those assholes are much bigger than they look on the Discovery Channel. 

Yesterday I had to fight a pack of the giant, ugly bastards away with my Swiss Army knife. I think they were Great Whites but, admittedly, I have limited knowledge of aquatic life. Either way, the things were huge and had sharp teeth. Could you please recommend to me a good hunting setup that would fit onto my 10' fishing boat?  I would like to know specifically what to do the next time a group of large sharks swims up to attack me in the open water. Also, are there any alternative for attracting sharks other than covering myself in in cow’s blood and dressing in a seal suit? My wife said that’s the best way.

Thanks,

Brad

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Hello Brad,

I am sorry we do not carry clothing specific to shark hunters. I do not have any suggestions or any other manufacturers who maybe able to assist you.

Thank you for visiting #####.com  and come back soon! 

Sincerely,
Chris H.