Mannequin Madness

to www.#################.com:

To Whom It May Concern,

I just wanted to take a minute to shoot you a note about your fine product. I don't think enough people stop and take the time to compliment good work when they see it. It took me a bit of research to find that you’re the main supplier of fine high quality mannequins to The GAP. I have such an interesting story I had to seek you out to tell you. You made my day and really set the tone for the rest of my weekend.

Here is the story. I live in St. Louis. I decided to drop by The GAP because I was shopping for a new pair of camouflage pants and not having much luck. I want to go out this weekend and my only pair got stuck in a chainsaw. Carlos was angry. He dislikes shopping, particularly the mall. He is generally pretty angry anyway. Suddenly, I had the distinct feeling that someone was watching me. Carlos inched closer to me.

"I feel like someone is watching me," he said.

"I've got the same feeling," I said.

I could see in Carlos' eyes that he was going crazy trying to figure it. His eyes were wide and bloodshot as they slowly danced across the store, his senses peeked. Then I don't know what happened. He must have caught a glimpse of the mannequin out of the corner of his eye. The next thing I knew he had tackled it. I panicked, I thought he had taken down sales clerk. I ripped Carlos off the dummy and pulled him to his feet. At first I thought he had completely dismembered the poor sales clerk as I saw limbs sprawled all across the floor. That's when we realized that it was not a sales clerk at all. Ha!

Initially the staff was very angry. Then we explained the story. He really thought it was someone staring at him. After a good laugh they actually gave me a 20% discount on my pants. I really don't know how to thank you. You gave me a good laugh and saved me money. That's not a bad deal at all. What an unbelievable day!!!!

Please pass this note along to your designers. I would love to support your business. Do you make any other products? Let me know. I am now your #1 fan!!! Please let me know that the designers have been properly thanked on my behalf.

Thanks,

Brad Fith

***

From Barb:

Thanks Brad. But we don't supply mannequins to the Gap, we recycle the Gap's mannequins that they no longer need :)

Barb XXXXXX
510 444 XXXXX

About This Site

Brad Fith started writing these letters in 2001 while working as a janitor for a comedy club in a St. Louis Suburb. Over the course of about 2 years, he'd spend a few hours a day using the club's stationary to write thousands of hard copy letters to countless celebrities, politicians, customer service departments, newsmakers and various other organizations and individuals that he found interesting or easy to anger.

He was of course fired. I wasn't there but I assume the conversation went like this, "You've cost me $10,000 in stationary and you're not even that good at cleaning toilets. Please leave before the police arrive."

Around this time his fiance left him for a his best friend, his comedy act was rejected in all 50 states and Brad discovered email. He more-or-less slowly turned into a full blown loon.

To make a long story short, enjoy this deceptively funny and subversive mayhem. These emails are REAL correspondence to REAL people. These are their genuine reactions to ridiculous questions, concerns, pointless stories and rants. All email addresses were previously published by the owner. Some names have been altered or deleted entirely.