A Letter to a Pet Trainer About a Manically Depressed Poodle


To Whom It May Concern:

Something is wrong with my dog.  I am almost certain the pack of Swiss Nazis that kidnapped him did something more than just paint him purple and give him a Mohawk.  I am writing as a last resort.  I just can’t take it anymore.   

Let me just start out by saying that I would have never moved here if I had known that there is a pack of Nazis running a muck and painting people’s pets.  I have written a nasty letter to the head of their organization.  I have also written a letter to my real estate agent to let her know that I have been bamboozled. 

In any case, I am starting to lose my patience with my French poodle Larry.  Since the incident his behavior has changed so drastically that he hardly seems like the same dog.  He seems to have lost focus.  My wife says he’s searching for answers. 

To say that he is acting strangely would be an understatement. For example, I came home yesterday to find him relieving himself in my goldfish bowl.  No one was more dejected about this than my new goldfish Wynona Ryder.  She’s dead.

Also, I would like to be able to pet him again.  Unfortunately I rarely ever see him.  Larry spent the last few days licking the same spot on the wall in the kitchen.  If he’s not in the kitchen, he is leaning against the toilet with a sinister looking scowl.  If I stare at him for too long he vomits. 

Recently, he has figured out a way to open the refrigerator.  He eats everything inside.  I came home yesterday to find him passed out under a pile empty food containers and beer cans.  He drank an entire case of beer!  I can’t be positive, but when he saw how mad I was I think he let out a little sarcastic giggle. To make matters worse I have found a foul gift on the top rack every day for a week.  I won’t go into to much detail but I will say it was very foul and came straight from his business end.

He used to approach life with passion and vigor.  Now I feel him spiraling into unending depression.  Is this normal?  Is there any hope?   Please help.  You have come highly recommended. 


Brad Fith   


From Amy:

Hello Brad,

Thank you for your inquiry. If you would like to bring in your pet for a free evaluation, give me a call or email. You can reach me at 636-####-#### or email at amy@######.com.

These evaluations are done on Tuesday evenings at 5pm and Saturday Mornings at 10:20am.

Best Regards,

The ##### #### School
The ### ##### Inc.
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