An Unusual Request

To Whom it May Concern,

My wife and I would like to stay at your hotel from 1:13pm on Friday January 25th thru 8:47am Thursday January 3rd. I like the Palm Beach Florida community and visit it quite frequently. My wife has never gone with me because she suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder and is very worried about the safety of her belongings.

So after much debate I finally made her a deal. I am going to disassemble our 1989 Ford Escort in the parking lot and reassemble it in our room. Housekeeping would not have to clean it; of course we would maintain the vehicle while it was in our room. Although I know nothing about cars, I don't think I will have that much trouble as long as I remember where each piece goes when I take it off. We will not damage anything in the room by doing this.

My wife would also need the following accommodations:

- She would like the front door thoroughly cleaned daily at precisely 5:22am or pm.
- She would like a Grapefruit delivered to the room at 7:18 am.
- She would like the telephone to be made by Southwestern Bell.
- She would also like the housekeeper to be named Linda. (I realize that you my not have anyone on your staff named Linda so I will supply anyone you send up with a name tag that says "Linda" for her.)

Please have the understanding that OCD is a serious illness and I have to do what I can to accommodate her.

Sincerely,
Brad Fith

***

Dear Mr. Fith,
Subject: Re: Before I reserve I have a question
From: Ciara

I fear that the 1989 Ford Escort would not fit in any of our bedrooms, and would of course cause some problems if you wanted to stay at The Breakers. We would be happy to have your car parked in our Valet Car Park where you can see it from your room at all times. Would this provide a solution?

Thank you for your interest in The ######.

Sincerely,
Ciara
Reservations Manager

About This Site

Brad Fith started writing these letters in 2001 while working as a janitor for a comedy club in a St. Louis Suburb. Over the course of about 2 years, he'd spend a few hours a day using the club's stationary to write thousands of hard copy letters to countless celebrities, politicians, customer service departments, newsmakers and various other organizations and individuals that he found interesting or easy to anger.

He was of course fired. I wasn't there but I assume the conversation went like this, "You've cost me $10,000 in stationary and you're not even that good at cleaning toilets. Please leave before the police arrive."

Around this time his fiance left him for a his best friend, his comedy act was rejected in all 50 states and Brad discovered email. He more-or-less slowly turned into a full blown loon.

To make a long story short, enjoy this deceptively funny and subversive mayhem. These emails are REAL correspondence to REAL people. These are their genuine reactions to ridiculous questions, concerns, pointless stories and rants. All email addresses were previously published by the owner. Some names have been altered or deleted entirely.